Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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