I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
