it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
