im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
