What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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