my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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