it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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