At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
