I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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