Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
