can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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