Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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