I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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