I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize