Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
