I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
