My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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