i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
