Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
