Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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