yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
