Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
