You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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