We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
