Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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