have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
