Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
