i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
