My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
