dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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