Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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