I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
