Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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