Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize