You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
