Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize