I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
