There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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