Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
