tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
