someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
only you would photoshop your dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
