you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
