Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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