i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Small penises have feelings too.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
