i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize