I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
