Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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