Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
