his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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