If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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