ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
