Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
