dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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