After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you had me at cake vodka
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
be right there i have to get my cape
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
