Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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