Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
