Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
