Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
