He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
