That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
