it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
