Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
