i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
