i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
