I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
